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poetry by merelfwere


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July 27
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1. It's easier when you don't think.

1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
growing up.

2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
anyway.

3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
never leaves.

4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt, 
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.

5. There's nothing like your own bed.

6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.

7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.

8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips and
tears at all that you know.
There will be times when your heart
and soul are left so ragged
that they can't be
pieced back together. So 
make new ones; 
rebuild.

9. It's easier when you don't think.

10. It's easier when you don't think.

11. You may not realize it,
but you've taken your life for granted.
Can you imagine the molding
in your first home? The exact shape
of the windowsills kissing the curtains or
the shade of the carpet?
Things you saw every day
for years
and years
but never committed to memory.

12. Maybe you missed more
than just the fixtures in your house.

13. You can never have
too many hugs
and you're never too old
to go home -
seeking one out.

14. You're going to lose things.
The keys, an argument with your boyfriend,
the constant reminder that you are beautiful.

15. They can sense it, somehow.
They know when you've crossed
the invisible boundary into adulthood.
And suddenly you aren't that cute,
and your stupid jokes aren't that funny,
and no one feel the need to 
build you up anymore

16. because you're an adult now.

17. It's easier when you don't think.
18. Growing up is like a disease -
acceptance soothes the heartache.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsugarcanechapel:
Critique by SugarCaneChapel Jul 28, 2014, 4:12:52 AM
1. "Backslide into growing up". I always considered growing up having forward momentum, albeit a slow march.

2. I've noticed it, but am not "ripe in age" or even in my peak. Clearly I've become old before my time.

3. That tightness in your chest leaves once you've found a fair footing in life. Or everyone in their 30's would be in constant, mild discomfort.

4. Angsty metaphors and mountains/raging river cliches aside you make a valid point.

5. And there's no place like home too, right?

6. That sweat and tears line is just vile. The rest is just unnecessary.

7. There's no faulting that logic.

8. Things do change, just not as graphically as that.

9. It's certainly fills space.

10. And causes you to repeat yourself.

11. Not sure what that has to do with taking life for granted, but memory is a strange mistress.

12. Family, obviously. Veil your meanings more, get cryptic.

13. Or you're just trying to get your parents to lend you more money.

14. Losing my keys would upset me more.

15. Who are "they"? Also, build your self up, you're a grown up now.

16. That's what I said.

17. I think you could have trimmed a lot of fat by thinking here.

18. Growing up is natural and daunting, acceptance is for those who can't stand alone.

I understand it's a free piece, but I'm not all that smitten with it. There are a few nuggets of wisdom but a fair bit of cliches, general waffle and a spelling errors. I'd take this back to the desk and refine it considerably.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 69 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconzakufox-kun:
From a subjective and personal point, I really enjoy this piece. It truly hits home, since I'm at this exact point in my life. I'm always wondering where I'm going, what I'm doing, what's my calling? Is this the right way? Am I making a mistake? And it's true. Those questions and uncertainties, like you addressed in the poem, never seem to go away.

From a more objective point, I like the way you wrote it as a numbered list. It brings out the 'growing up' theme more because as we get older, it always seems like there are lists to be made and things to be done. Something I'd like to add, though, is that I think you should have made it rhyme. Rhyming would have made it confined, adding even more to the idea of getting older and how we're all forced to stick to the rules of the adulthood we're all heading toward. But this isn't any error I'm picking on with the poem. Just a suggestion :)

Good job on this piece and thanks for sharing!
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21 out of 22 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
ON MY GOSH
this is so like where I am right now, it's unreal. 

If if number three is true, my life is gonna be one long pain...

seriously thiugh, this is very very well done and close to heart 
Reply
:icon401sakura:
401Sakura Featured By Owner Edited Aug 13, 2014  Student General Artist
This nearly made me cry. And it takes a lot to do that. I love this piece a lot. 11. is the one I relate to the most :3 We moved when I was 10 and I was so scared I'd forget everything that I went around taking pictures of every room (every room, even the bathrooms). I was so distraught I even took one of the handles off my drawers to take with me XD My dad found it though and gave it back to the new owners a couple weeks later :I
Anyways you did a great job writing this piece ^v^ One more thing I'd include if you were to ever go back and revise it: something along the lines of "You're going to be ok". Not a big deal but I think that's something people forget as they get older (especially in the messy teenage years) Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading this~ 
Reply
:iconbleedingprophecies:
BleedingProphecies Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"It's easier when you don't think." 

Oh god. I'm screwed. 

(lovely piece.) 
Reply
:iconseptemberskies2298:
SeptemberSkies2298 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :heart:
You'll be okay :D Just don't dwell on the tough stuff too much. Life's gonna change and it's gonna change fast but if you don't focus on the things you loose it makes it easier to be happy with the things you gain.
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:iconbleedingprophecies:
BleedingProphecies Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :D

Hmmm....lovely advice, really. c: Thank YOU! 
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:iconcold-bloodedassassin:
Trust me you'll be ready. I am only in my early teen hood and felt like this even before I turned into a teen. Growing doesn't seem like a pain. It did before, but now I don't care about my past anymore, it's just a fraction of your life. Do not be upset because you are growing up, thoughts like these will lead to only one view of life. Try not to think about your past, it's not worth it.:)
Nicely written though!XD
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:iconseptemberskies2298:
SeptemberSkies2298 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is written from an adults perspective. Looking back, I wish someone had told me this so I could have been more prepared for the sudden shift from being a kid to being a full-fledged adult. 
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:iconcold-bloodedassassin:
Cold-bloodedassassin Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Thanks for the llama! I appreciate it!:happybounce: 
But, no one told me about this, so I had to figure it out on my own, and I did at an early age.:(
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:iconsavedaart:
SaveDaArt Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are still very young. Just wait a few years then read this poem again. ;) 
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:iconcold-bloodedassassin:
Cold-bloodedassassin Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Okay!:)
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